Relationship / Relationship Problems

My Boyfriend Can't Get Over My Past, Our Relationship Is Getting Worse

My Boyfriend Can't Get Over My Past, Our Relationship Is Getting Worse


  2695      28/07/2015

Question –

I am in a relationship with a guy. We both love each other a lot but in my previous relationship I came very close to my ex physically but we didn’t have intercourse. My boyfriend came to know about this fact and he broke up with me but again he came back. Now whenever he remembers all those things our relationship gets worse. I know he loves me & I lied to him many time so he hates me also, but I really love him a lot.

We are in a long distance relationship. He is now living in London and I’m in India. Our families know about us. I also lost my virginity with him. Please help me, what should I do so that he forgets the past and starts a fresh relationship. Please help.
- Nixxxxxx


Expert Advice –

Dear Nixxxxxx

I feel that there are a lot of unsaid emotions, anger and frustration in both of you, which needs to be communicated effectively. Also, I feel that a lot of mental blocks about physical intimacy and relationships are holding both of you away from each other. I don't know how your relationship began, but all I've to say is, you like a lot of people, love some of them but commit to spend lifetime with just one. I'd suggest you to reconsider your thoughts about your relationship before you both talk and try find some solution. In this introspection, try to answer for yourself the following questions: 


1. Do you see the acceptance of who you are as a person in him? 

2. Have there been any instances when his trust on you was breached, but different reasons? Do you feel that it's a trust issue rather than rejection?

3. Have you communicated your thoughts and feelings properly and been transparent? 

4. Does he understand that the loyalty has been intact ever since you both started dating? 


You could add some more similar questions depending on your experiences in your relationship. All I mean to say is, whatever happened in your past, shouldn't be a problem in the present relationship. If it does, try to explore the reasons and apprehensions related to those issues, instead of forcing each other the artificial acceptance. At times, the feeling that 'it might happen again' for the partner becomes a bigger issue.

Make sure that you both know and actually are loyal to each other. Communicate with patience and endurance with him, and try to understand what bothers him. If there's anything that is acceptable to you and can be changed, make sure to put in all your efforts to work out your relationship. If not, there's no sense in compromising in a relationship, just because you love someone, only to find out yourself frustrated in your relationship later. 


Take care!
Love n light :)
- Kannupriya



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