I have a high travelling job and my wife stays alone due to this. She (naturally) gets bored and she feels boredom. She is working and have friends in office which keeps her occupied during office hours but at home the things goes for toss. Since after week's travel I like to rest a bit so our outing is much lesser than her liking. Can I get an interactive advice on my marriage problem?
Expert Advice -
This seems an important matter to you, and of course, one must try to resolve all sorts of problems and obstacles in their marital life. I certainly can't understand your reference to "interactive advice" but as far as online chat sessions are concerned, you can surly avail that option through the website. Also, I would suggest you to actually provide me with some more details to be able to understand your actual concerns well. This will only help me respond to you better.
- Kannupriya K.
Follow Up Question -
Dear Ms. Kamboj,
As per last reply you have asked more details so I will try to be more candid to explain why I am seeking professional help. My background is I am a Sales Manager with typical arranged marriage of 3 years but no kids. My wife works too. As my job requires me to travel 16 to 18 days out of city my wife stays alone. Saturdays I am mostly busy with home chores and like to rest on Sunday (going out has financial implications). This is a general way of life.
Recently there have been casual mentions that our life is boring which I do understand. I am not much of a party person (I don't drink but she does) so in general I am a calm type. From a couple of months she spends a lot of time on mobile even when I am home talking to an office colleague. She understands that I know what's going on but prefer to chat with that guy than talk to me. I am not accusing but sometimes it feels like moral cheating to me. I am seeking a positive way to resolve this situation with assumption. I am not quitting my job. Please give me some advice that can save my marriage.
Follow Up Expert Advice -
I can see that it's a difficult situation for you. But you must have read in your childhood, a story on moral education classes, "whatever you sow, so shall you reap." It's exactly the same. Your wife spending hours and hours in texting without any acknowledgment of your presence seems more like an emotional reaction to your unavailability. She's also a human being with emotional needs after all, which you might not be able to understand, but sooner or later she's bound to find someone who will. Exactly that's what's happening. Also, I'm not writing this to show the right or wrong aspects, rather I am trying to point out to the fact that it's all about fulfilling her emotional needs. If you are not able to do it, then someone else will. So choice is yours.
Secondly, if you rationalise not being able to give your wife quality time because of your travelling job, unwillingness to come out of your "me-space" on weekends, or being involved in household chores, then you probably would never be able to find out time. The difference here is that you must understand that you need to prioritise your life first. If your relationship/marriage is of least importance that you keep all other things above it, then why got married. On the other hand, if you are really concern d that your marriage is your priority, then spending time with your wife shouldn't be so difficult.
However, if it is, then try to fix this problem by doing something about your working hours. It's not necessary to be a partyperson to be able to keep your life partner satisfied, and it's neither important that both the spouses need to be either extroverts or introverts. All what I feel a blend of both, not to the extremes is always a good match. If she can be at home everytime you disagree to go out, you should also try to take her out to some place which is affordable. If you don't drink but she does, ask her to have dinner with you outside/at home, where she may enjoy her drinks, and you may enjoy whatever you like.
What is more important is knowing each other and understanding each other's needs. Talk to her, try to be a part of her life. Being rigid and overthinking in wrong direction about her behaviour or her situations, will only mess up your life. Rather be open and a good listener (to whatever good or bad things she says). This will help you to know her better. Remember there's no alternative to spending time with each other in any relationship.
- Kannupriya K.