Hi, I am 26 year old boy & I am in deep confusion regarding my gender identity and sexuality since childhood. I never fit into my peer group of males. I was always a lonely and shy guy. There was emotional abuse from my parents when I was 9 years old. I accidentally masturbated for the first time to imagining myself dressed as a girl. So from the starting of my puberty all my masturbation fantasies have been imagining myself as a girl/woman.
I never had sexual attraction to girls. Now I am 26 and I feel it is more than just sexuality and it has deeper gender identity issues. I am very confused and depressed. I am still unemployed & I can’t even see my future. I know I will be more comfortable as a woman. From young age I was into cross dressing. Please help me; I am confused whether I am a transgender or heterosexual guy or asexual guy with fetish. Please advise me I am suffering with severe loneliness and depression for years.
Expert Advice –
First of all, let me thank you for trusting in this forum and sharing your challenges with self acceptance with me. Things are not black and white always; there are different colours and different shades. Similarly, there are not just gay and straight or Man and Women, there are many genders and many sexualities. I hope you understand that you are not abnormal. What you are feeling is absolutely normal.
There are men who like to dress as women; they fantasise making love when they are dressed so. They might not want to really have breasts and a vagina, but they may just like to cross dress. Gender dysphoria is also a reality, where you feel so much like a woman that you want to transition into a woman. A wonderful example of the same would be my friend Ghazal who featured in Satyamev Jayate. I suggest you Google about her and take inspiration from her life. Also, I request you to see a good psychologist who can help you assess the situation you are in. If you could write me a personal mail at email@example.com with the region you belong, I can help you find a good psychologist/ psychiatrist in your locality.
- Harish Iyer