Hi, this is Abhishek, 22 yrs old male commerce graduate. I’m suffering from a chronic auto- immune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis. It is a rare rheumatic disorder with NO CURE in medical science, homeopathy, Ayurveda, or naturopathy. Anywhere. I need a new pair of hip. I can’t walk normally like others, can’t bend, my posture is bad. I m bent. I avoid walking because generally people around me ask why I am walking so. I have to give any excuse.
This disease is invisible. Even doctors took 8 yrs to actually diagnose it. By then I was on wrong medicines even some doctors’ said I’m alright, just don’t want to study so making all this nonsense drama of pain. This disease is the most painful disease. I can’t sleep. I am on regular painkillers. I have to sacrifice so much in my career. Even after getting selected for one of the prestigious institutes I have to decline the offer. (MBA at NIT TRICHY, PGP- RM at IRMA & B.Com at DU, Studied Science in +2). At times I feel very low and depressed.
Why life is so harsh with me? Why not to give up? I know that after a certain age I will be on the wheel chair completely with zero or no mobility, my spines will be fused. What should I do?
Expert Advice –
I can see that you have been going through a lot of pain in your life and have struggled a lot with your health. Honestly speaking, there's no other alternative to pain and sufferings than to go through them, and I feel that it adds a lot of meaning to your life eventually.
I can also see that all these things have already created a lot of negativity for you. There is also a hint of denial to accept your reality, as it makes you feel 'odd one out'. To this I'd say that sufferings occur only when what you accept doesn't match what you expect. I know it's easier said than done. But accepting the reality is the best you can do to yourself.
Probably this one message won't be sufficient for you to actually figure a way out, however, realizing that you are a 'fighter', I feel confident in suggesting you to try out the following reflection exercises first and talk about your feelings in details (as I can see there's much more to it than whatever you've expressed so far).
1. Please remember that I am not denying the difficulties you face in the present, but I'd like to have you write a thought diary, where you'd write all your worries, anxieties and apprehensions and later divide them into three parts: present, past and future.
Reason:This will help you find out if your thoughts are primarily about present or past or future. The reason I want you to do this is to help you understand the pattern of your thoughts, there's a possibility that you might be over thinking about either past or future, which will neither help you improve your present situation nor will it be productive. Instead thinking about your strengths would help you know "what kept you going through so far" which is anyways a motivating factor. Isn't it?
2. The problems like these also lead to a stress chain reaction in your body. Once you start thinking about your health issues, the negative thoughts increase and once you are in that whirlpool, it's difficult to come out of it. The only thing that can uplift you from this whirlpool is focusing more on your positive resources, strengths and motivation (people, places or events).
3. Another reason why we feel sick in chronic illness is disruption of normal routine chores and dependence on others for little things. But that's alright till you are spiritually uplifted and internally strong & motivated.
So why not look for that. Thinking about future (something that's totally unpredictable) isn't it more like a waste of time and spoiling your present moments which can be made better?
Hence, look out for things that keep you happy in whatever your present is, and in case you want any assistance in clearing your thoughts, you should talk to some professional once in person.
Suggestions of readings that might help you: "the secret" book, lectures of Art of Living by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (it's not a suggestion to seek spirituality, but clarity of thoughts)
Wish you all the very best and a high spirited life.
Love n light :)