Relationship / Relationship Problems

30, Unemployed & Unstable, Now Girlfriend Avoids Me Because She Thinks We Have No Future Together

30, Unemployed & Unstable, Now Girlfriend Avoids Me Because She Thinks We Have No Future Together

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  2474      18/08/2015

Question –


My name is Nick, age 30. I love a girl who is 28 years old. We are in relationship from over 7 years. Before our love relation we were best friends of each other. I am unstable & unemployed from last 3 year. I give a lot exams and interviews but always failed. She works and earns 50,000 per month. She gave me a lot of time to be stable but I couldn’t. Now from some days she is lying & breaking my trust in relationship, I catch her lying & forgive her. But she again lied and broke my trust. Due to my instability I couldn’t say anything to her.


I feel guilty & insulted in myself against her. Now these days she avoids me because she thinks there is no future with me. I love her so much. So these things hurt me a lot. I am unable to doing anything. Sometime I think she is right in her own place. And I never force her for anything like calls or messages etc. But I am unable to move on. What should I do now? Give me the right suggestion and show me any way where I can find my love. I love her so much. Please help me.

 

Expert Advice –


Hi Nick,

You have brought some of your issues. First is about the recent conflict in your relationship, and another is your failure to get job in last three years despite attempts. 
 

You are hurt because you feel that your girlfriend broke your trust. You are also concerned about your unemployment. You seem to be having low self-esteem because you do not earn and mentioned that because of your instability (which I understand as not having job and earning), you couldn’t say her anything. You are also feeling guilt and insult. Is your inability to say anything to her is because you feel inferior as you do not earn? Or is it because you are hurt as she is ignoring you?


As I clearly see that “not earning” is hampering you in your emotional well-being, I suggest you not to feel guilty and indecisive because you don’t earn for now. Otherwise, this helplessness will gradually hamper your self-esteem. Not having job is making you feel inferior. Let me tell you that the feeling of inferiority will only eat you up and you can’t decide for yourself what suits you best. Build up your own sense of love and respect yourself.


I can’t say whether your girlfriend will be back with you or not as we don’t have control over others. Please note that though we don’t have control over other’s decision, we do have control over ourselves and our thoughts. You also need to understand that if the pattern we were using repeatedly is not effective then we need to change that strategy and pattern in time. Be aware that strategy didn’t work for you and try to find out different one. Think deeply what is bothering you most? What are your top most priorities in life? Is there anything that you need to change or modify so that it may bring positive result for you? When you start changing yourself (if you feel that is needed), you will gradually start to feel better.


Moving on with priorities will give you a way on how you need to move on and enhance your self-esteem. Try using the suggestions I have offered but if
you still face discomfort and difficulties please seek counseling.

 

Best wishes,

Tara Adhikari




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